Reflections After Midnight: The Night Before Examinations

I HATE THIS I WANT TO STOP THINKING AND I NEVER WANT TO TYPE ANOTHER WORD IN MY LIFE I WISH I COULD JUST POOF AWAY INTO NOTHING, DRIFTING AWAY IN A wisp OF SMOKE LIKE I LEAPT AND PLUNGED INTO AN OCEAN OF LIQUID NITROGEN.
THIS SHIT HAS MADE ME AN ANIMAL, I PUSH AND PUSH AND NOTHING COMES BACK TO ME NO WONDER I CONTINUALLY FLUCTUATE BETWEEN RAGE AND TRAGEDY.

IF THERE IS ANYTHING ELSE I COULD DO I WOULD DO IT. WHY MUST I DEVOTE SO MUCH TIME TO SOMETHING THAT FEELS SO EMPTY AND WRONG? I AM NOT INCLINED IN THE SLIGHTEST TO FOLLOW THROUGH WITH THIS. I DON’T WANT AN ‘A’ ANYMORE; I ONLY WANT TO DRINK IN THE SUN. IS THAT SUCH A HEDONISTIC AND BASE DESIRE? DOES IT MAKE ME BADMAN?
I SWEAR TO GOD THE STUDENT LIFE IS GOING TO KILL ME.

Lamia, as I see Her.

I

The serpent weaves around
her legs and waist and spine
around
and
around

snaking between
her life giving
breasts.

A mother to forgotten sons,
the pollinating insect
dead and gone,

decomposing with the leaves.

The Red Tongue slipping and tasting.
The fearless black beads see into
your ocular wet pearls of white and
natural green.


My vision deceives me. I feel as I see
The gentle muscular grip of its
body grasping you tight
with precarious grace.

You moan as it climbs,
the soft intimacy of
the assiduous slink
no doubt affects
your passions.


For an instant I fear
that the fangs have been bared,
and I cannot look,
I am scared.

The silence is telling.
I hear no cry from you
but how can you live?

I imagine the fangs plunging
into your lily white throat.

Oil Rig Explosion in Mexican Gulf

This reminds me of that unpronounceable volcano erupting in Iceland: it looks as if hell itself is spewing from the center of the earth. Is the monstrosity of an accident such as this no indication that perhaps we are tampering with nature in a way we will never control?

There Will Be Blood.

Mankind needs a refresher course in humility and I think that God or fate or whathaveyou is hinting that it will come soon for this latest event seems to be one of many happenings recently that to a pre-modern man might seem like the actions of a higher being with vengeance on its breath.

Maybe it's just the whiskey.

What I think of What is the What

I'm reading What is the What by this guy, Dave Eggers. He's a hell of a writer is all I can say. Looking at him, you'd never think that he could capture the essence of a man like Valentino Achak Deng, a remarkable man who survived more life threatening situations than I could even conceive of.

Imagine seeing fellow boys devoured by lions.
Imagine just how utterly black, blindingly black the night of the African countryside must be.
Swimming across a river running with blood, hungry crocodiles lurking beneath the surface and above the surface, Ethiopian rebels driving away a settlement of 40,000 refugees with rifles and machetes, murdering unarmed women and children without a shred of remorse.
Imagine having to flee your hometown because you're parents have been murdered by the murahaleen, vicious Arab horsemen from the east.

Knowing in advance that Deng and Eggers could not be more culturally dissimilar, to know that the collaboration between two intelligent minds can result in such a satisfying piece of writing gives me hope of one day writing a work I can be proud to call my own. The problem with studying all the greats, all the classics, is that it sets a standard that seems insurmountable. Eggers is not dead, he's not even old. Charles Simic came to my university recently and blew me away but he's from a generation I can only know from history books. It's refreshing to know that somebody within my age group can be successful AND talented, that I don't have to achieve success a la Nicholas Sparks.


I haven't finished the novel yet, but the composite of imaginative fiction and reality has opened my mind to the existence of a world so removed from my own without actually having gone anywhere. I can hardly believe that our planet is large enough to encompass an infinite volume of life experiences-- and the capacity for evil within men. Or God.

I would love to travel to the continent across the Atlantic, the cradle of human civilization, of the upright man.

I'll have more on this when I finish the book and when I'm less strung out. It's two in the morning. For now, check out this link: there's a good excerpt from the book there.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=6412768

Another nerd who got lucky and struck it big. I was talking to my friend Will D. Beast today about oddballs/eccentrics are wildly successful, Tarantino was one of the first to come to mind. Mark Cuban was a close second. Expect more updates on this. I'm totally down for suggestions too, it is my mission to collect information of those who've crafted legacies for themselves without being Hollywood sexy and suave.

1st day on the job

One sentence is all I'll need: welcome to the world as I see it.